Beauty among ashes

Life is funny. I suppose funny is the wrong word. Fascinating may be more accurate. There's first breaths taken and last breaths taken all in one more moment.

 I remember being 10 weeks pregnant with Molly and going home for my Grandfather's funeral. I was hesitant telling family during this sad time. But my Mom knew something was up, so I couldn't keep the secret any longer. Once she knew, she encouraged me to tell the rest of the family. Somehow the news of new life to come would bring joy, even when we say good bye to another life. 

We see similar scenes unfold even now in our days. Being on the cusp of what I would say tragedy and darkness, there is light. As cancer steals away Molly's life, there is beauty among ashes. 

Isaiah 61:3~ " To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified."

 I see faith. Faith in our Savior to provide all we need and more. Faith in others to step up and help us in a time of need. Renewed faith in the cross that is the beginning and the end of it all. 

I feel hope. Hope in a day when all pain will go away. Hope that even though parting from a piece of my heart will be more than I have ever endured, we will one day be reunited again. 

I behold beauty. Beauty in the amazing strength that all three girls possess on a daily basis. Beauty in a new day and what it brings. Beauty in the glimpse of another's heart that has also had to withstand such grief, but has been able to rise another day. 

I see so much now. More than I ever have before. It's almost as if I never truly lived before now. I'm awakened and have heightened senses. 

How can this even be? Shouldn't I be in bed? Curled up and crying? 

Well, I've done that. No lying. 

But God has given me the most beautiful gift ever received. I have sight. I SEE Him as if I am seeing Him for the first time. I SEE others that I never even noticed before. I SEE needs that I never knew existed. 

This IS a gift. I would never have observed the world as it is without having to lose Molly. 

I'm incredibly thankful and humbled that the Lord would even allow me to go through this. It may seem crazy to even say. But I honestly stand in awe of who He is and what He does on  a daily basis. 

I can only say this because as painful as this has all been and will be once Molly takes her last breath, I know, without a doubt, that this is temporal and I will see Molly again. And we, as a family, can rejoice together as we see the great unfolding of it all .