The girls asked to put up the Christmas tree earlier than we normally do this year. They have been eager to see the lights, hang the ornaments, and let's be honest, get some presents.
I wasn't so sure.
Pulling out all the Christmas boxes wasn't the problem. Neither was putting together the big, heavy tree. What my issue was stemmed from the heart.
As we began to unwrap each ornament, the excitement increased. I am pretty sure the volume jumped up a few hundred decimals.
And then, there it was. The very ornament I thought would break me.
Wrapped in the box was a note from myself that I wrote last year as I packed it away. It says, "It's going to be alright. God hasn't left you. <3"
Last Christmas, as we decorated, we knew deep inside that it was our last with her. I actually wrote about it here. But you are never quite sure what that day will bring. I'm glad I wrote the note. It was a sweet reminder of how God was holding me in His arms then and I am in the same exact place now. Still 100% dependent on Him.
We finished decorating the tree and as we stood back to admire our masterpiece, Clara smiled and looked at me. "Mom, don't judge me. But I might cry. I'm just so happy it's Christmas."
We finished decorating the tree and as we stood back to admire our masterpiece, Clara smiled and looked at me. "Mom, don't judge me. But I might cry. I'm just so happy it's Christmas."
Ah, there it is. The delightful though, out of the mouth of babes, that we will have joy this season. We will get through it all. Yes, we will be sad, and if I was honest with myself, I have already shed a bucket full of tears. But that's OK. Because once I pull myself together, I am able to sing a song, tell a joke, and even bake a cookie.
We will make it.
Love you... thank you for sharing
ReplyDeleteLove you... thank you for sharing
ReplyDeleteTell Clara I cried too, because I love CHRISTmas and because I know how your heart hurts. How sweet that God prompted you to write that note so you would remember that He is holding Molly in one hand and you in the other. When God gave His Son to Mary and Joseph He knew that He would take Jesus back to heaven while Mary was still a "young" mother and how it must have broken her heart to see the suffering of her child. How it must have broken the Father's heart to see the suffering of His Son but through that suffering He was able to see many saved and in that we find CHRISTmas joy. Praying for your sweet family this year as you celebrate the gift of our Savior and share the tradition of gift giving. The Smith Tribe in Shasta, California love the Little family. <3 Romans 1:9 <3
ReplyDeleteYour posts always make me cry, because my heart hurts for you, but also because I am amazed at your steadfast faith. We love you and are praying extra hard for you this season.
ReplyDeleteYes God will never leave you 💕 Memories are smiles and tears...as they should be! Makes us who we are. God gave us a heart to store all of them❤️
ReplyDelete