I'm not going to lie. So, be warned, I may look a whole lot uglier to you after this post. But the truth is, jealousy has reared it's ugly head.
I'm not talking cars, houses, clothes, or any other earthly thing you can name. I'm talking down right, "Why is their kid fine and not mine? Look at the fun weekend THEY got to have while I'm here watching my daughter suffer. It's not fair that their kids can play outside while mine can only look at her tablet!" The real nitty, gritty, ugly kind of jealousy.
It's natural.
How do I know that? Because the Bible speaks of it so much. God knew we would all struggle with such things and so He added it to His Word so we would hear what He thinks about it. And let me tell you, it's not pretty.
For instance, I Corinthians 13 speaks on love. Guess what does not make the love list cut? I'll give you a hint. It starts with a "J" and ends in a "always looking at what other people have."
James 3:16: "For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work."
When I start looking at everyone else's circumstances, and let that seed begin to grow, then I miss out on all of MY blessings that God chose just for me... because I'm too busy letting the truth be skewed and confusion set in.
Because that is what jealousy brings us: Confusion.
So I ask myself tonight, what DO I know? What blessings ARE before me?
And that my friend is when my list begins to get longer and longer and longer...
I don't desire to become bitter and enraged. I don't desire to compare my circumstances to others. I desire to be happy. I desire to make God happy. I desire to see things for what they really are. And knowing that my God supplies everything, then all that is before me can be a blessing in some way. Even when I have to look twice... or stand on my head to see it. :)
Julie, No one would blame you for asking that question. Why not to people who have done ill will to others? Especially people who harm children. I remember walking through the commissary after we lost our son, still recovering from my c-section and seeing a very young girl hold a newborn like a rag doll. I nearly came unglued, good thing my husband was there to put things into perspective for me. I was angry and jealous, I had worked really hard to have my babies (invitro), graduated college, had a good marriage, ate the proper diet. Still, I couldn't carry my infant son to term. I failed him in some sort of way. I had convinced myself of this. Why did this seemingly young girl deserve something so precious and not hold him so dearly that I climbed mountains for? It is amazing how time can provide clarity and wisdom. I am sure it is God's way for me to never take things for granted and that some of his lessons I may never know the reasoning too. As a parent who has a lost a child, under different circumstances. I would be the first in line with others who have also, to take your place and many other parents as well. I am know these are only words, but I do hope they bring you some solice in knowing you are not alone. You are in my prayers daily.
ReplyDeleteGreat post. We all experience jealousy or envy especially when we are facing adversity. You my friend are experiencing one of life's worst challenges. I look at your trials and tell myself any challenges i have are nothing compared to you. The grace you exhibit handling your challenges is amazing.
ReplyDeleteStay strong and keep hugging your princess.
Thoughts and prayers always.
Take care
Michelle
xoxo
As a mom of Healthy children, I often feel guilty to post about our fun times when so many including you are suffering. Yet I know I need to enjoy where God has us right now. Thank you for sharing your heart. I can't imagine that anyone could ever judge the natural feelings you have as you walk this journey.
ReplyDeleteIt is a question I asked and pondered a lot when my mom passed away. Your only strength will come from the Lord and it will have to be in Him that you will find that peace - He knows it isn't easy. Praying for your family. Life is so precious!
ReplyDelete