It's funny how we have expectations for everything in life.
We expect every light to be green as we ride to church on Sunday. We expect our spouses to know exactly what we are thinking, all the time. We expect our children to behave. After all, they were taught the verse that says, "Children, obey your parents...".
But many times, we are disappointed because what we imagined would be, is not.
I thought, many a night, how Molly's last days would play out. I envisioned peace. I envisioned quiet. I envisioned hugs, kisses, and words that needed to be spoken to be spoken freely. Even welcomed.
But I have been disappointed. As Molly's last days approach, peace seems far from her heart. The house is anything but quiet. Sisters compete for attention. Tempers flair as Molly demands to have more to eat. Visitors continue to come to the door.
And the words, that I so desperately wish to whisper in her ear, can not be uttered because she rejects my company.
She's uncomfortable and tired. She's scared and anxious. And she is completely and utterly angry with everyone and everything that comes in the room.
So this is our good bye? How I wish for something so different. Our hearts break as rejection, anger, demands and disappointment swirl around our living room.
It would seem that we should faint from all the emotions, tasks, and needs to attend to, that really no other but a parent can take care of. But somehow, we have strength to get to the next minute. The next hour. And even the next day.
God has given us so many promises, but few bring me comfort at this time. But all I need is one. And He has supplied that for me.
John 16:20 says, "...and ye shall be sorrowful, but your sorrow shall be turned into joy."
Sorrowful seems too small a word to really depict our feelings, but it's all I've got right now. Knowing, though, that after this sorrow, joy will come, well, that is something I can cling to. I HAVE to cling to it. To think of being forever sorrowful seems hopeless.
But that is why Christ came to earth, isn't it? To offer hope. To bring joy and hope to the entire human race?
Here we stand, on the cusp of tragedy and devastation. And He speaks to our hearts these words. He is not done yet. Joy will follow.
I have been praying for you but, now your family is constantly in my thoughts. Love and hugs.
ReplyDeleteDear Sweet Mama,
ReplyDeleteI have watched your journey as I have managed my own tragedy. Entirely different from you, as few can imagine all you are going through. We lost our baby girl in the 37th week of my pregnancy due to Trisomy 18 and we buried her next to her brother of which I lost in the 36th week of my pregnancy 21 years ago. As I read about your family something keeps coming to mind. Often times things have to get bad in order to accept change. Perhaps without even knowing it, your sweet girl is helping to prepare you in this way. She knows that you love her, she knows you can't stand to see her suffer, she knows that you will forever have this pain and sorrow. Maybe she thinks if you see how miserable she is, it will be easier for you to let her go. Maybe she has to be miserable and angry herself just so she can go. She loves you, she loves you all, have no doubts about that. Continue to love her, continue to do all that you can to comfort her. (As I am sure you are) Have no regrets. Don't take the rejection personally, she is young, but she is doing a very grown up thing, probably behaving more grown up than many in her position. She loves you, she really does. I continuously think of your family and pray for strength and peace, much love and many blessings. Dottie
"In this world ye shall have tribulation...I have overcome the world." Thank you for reminding us all of these things today. My tribulations are just a myriad of little and big things that don't seem to amount to much when laid alongside yours. But I have felt of late that the shine had worn off my world. Our hearts are with you in your grief, and I thank you for reminding me of the joy. I needed to hear it as much as you needed to give it. Sending love and prayers your way!
ReplyDelete"In this world ye shall have tribulation...I have overcome the world." Thank you for reminding us all of these things today. My tribulations are just a myriad of little and big things that don't seem to amount to much when laid alongside yours. But I have felt of late that the shine had worn off my world. Our hearts are with you in your grief, and I thank you for reminding me of the joy. I needed to hear it as much as you needed to give it. Sending love and prayers your way!
ReplyDelete