Fear and Faith: How do they fit together?

I had a sweet woman make a profound statement last week that I just could not get out of my head. 

The topic? Jesus having fear. 

I haven't been able to stop swirling it around in my brain. I keep bumping into it in my Bible, whether it's in church, family devotions, or my own personal reading time.  (I get it God. You want my attention to stop here. Subtle.)

Even in Sunday School class the discussion came up of Jesus' humanity and I found myself raising my hand in a classroom full of people that I didn't even know and answering the question, "What is one of Jesus' human traits?" You should have seen the look on the teacher's face when my hand shot up. I think He wasn't sure if I would say something crazy or if I was asking if I could use the bathroom. But I just couldn't hold back from mentioning Jesus having fear in the Garden of Gethsemane. After all, this was clearly what God was trying to get my attention about all week. 

Let's look at the text.

Matthew, Mark, and Luke all tell a similar writing of the night Jesus was in the garden before he was to be taken away to his death. He was agonizing over the thought of what was to come. The Bible never uses the word "fear" and not wishing to add something to God's Word that is not really there, I am hesitant on how I word this. But if you look at the humanity of Christ, I can't help but think that fear was there too.

Jesus, being God, knew what was about to come. Not only an harrowing death, but the judgement of the world upon his shoulders. He was to be denied by the Father because of sins WE had committed.
Over and over Jesus asked God to take this cup of death away from him. But in the end, he wanted the Father's will to be done.

What about fear in our lives? 

It's almost comical that this is the topic that God has presented me this week. Comical is the wrong word. Critical is more like it. 

Fear comes and goes in all of our lives, and mine, of course, is no exception. 

It seems that fear has been a heavy, dominant emotion these last few years. Fears of failure. Fears of death. Fears of loneliness. Fears of fear. 

I don't think it necessarily wrong to fear. It's just once that initial worry lights it's flame, what do we do with it? 

I've learned that faith is trusting that God can take away the hard and scary, but being willing to endure it if He decides not to. 

We could each list the things that terrify us. And since I tend to be transparent, I will list a few of mine. Perhaps you can relate? Perhaps you have some of your own?

The fear of not being good enough.

I wear many hats and have these little faces staring up at me watching my every move. What if I disappoint them? What if I am not the mom I should be?

Answer: I am not good enough. Not in my own eyes, at least. I never am. But am I good enough in the Lord's eyes? Absolutely! Why would he give his life for me unless I was enough? I am wanted. I am adored. I am treasured beyond any other treasure.

The fear of loneliness.

My life has changed drastically this past year. I am not the person that I was before. I am not surrounded by those who knew who I was, who I am now, and why I have changed. Now, I am in a new city, husband gone, fearing that it will be six, long lonely months.  How do I cope? 

Answer: I'm never alone. As long as I cling to this truth, my fear subsides and  I can see my hope. If this is where God has placed our family, then he has a plan for friendships, new and old, to step up and fill in the holes. 

The fear of failure.

I've started so many things and never finished them, how will I ever follow through with the latest endeavor? I'm in charge of my children's education, and yet, I find us behind on lesson plans and never finding an end in sight. Why do I even try? 

Answer: When God calls us to something and we answer that call, he is simply asking us to come and be ready to work. He will give all the supplies and resources needed for the job. Along with the energy and talent necessary to finish it. So if I feel God's calling to write or to teach my children, then He will show up with the words, energy, patience, and  know-how that I will need to get this done, each and every single day. 

So going back to Jesus in the garden, how did he conquer his fears? I see him kneeling down and begging his Father to take away that which troubled him. He also trusted and knew that God would supply what he needed and when. 

I want to be like that. I want to continually fall on my knees and say, "Not my will, but thine be done."

At the same time though, knowing that it's perfectly okay to admit defeat and say, "I'm scared. I'm horrified by this circumstance in front of me and I desire you to sweep it away!"

What do you fear today? What brings you agony and distress? What haunts you from the past and hinders you from the future? Lay it at His feet. Drop that big ol' bag of terror right on the ground, throw your arms up in surrender, and see what God can do with that. Then take a look over, because you will see me there. On my knees too. Arms raised high. And a fresh new bag of fear flung on the ground for God to take.

Pulling on my big girl panties

To all you single parents out there, I start off this post with saying, "You are amazing. No one in the world is tougher than you. You are the epitome of muscle, hard work, and superhero-ness all rolled up into one."

 I had a single mom. My parents were divorced when I was ten. Although I was blessed  with two great parents who were both involved in my everyday life, I did get a first hand view of what it was like to be tough as nails. 

Both my parents did it. So this is not by any means meant to leave out all you rugged dads out there wearing just as many hats!

I'm about to step into the arena of "single parenting".

I'm using air quotes right now because really I am not doing it alone. We just have to do it from a distance for a while. 

That does mean, however, that dear old mom will be picking up the pieces at the end of a long day. 

It's on me. 

(Be prepared to see many more of these photos documenting my slow, but steady road to insanity.)

I know I need to suck it up and get those big 'ol panties on, but let me just sit here in my hole for one more minute.
This will be our first time all apart since Molly died.
This will be the first time Clara will realize Daddy is not here. (His last deployment she was only one.) 

This will be the first deployment where Samantha will be old enough to email her father. (Someone help me with all this growing up. I can't deal. But that's for another day...)
This will be the first of many. 

I'd love to sit here and say, "We got this. We are military. This is part of the life we live." 

Part of that really is true.

 But there is another part of me that just wants to crawl into bed, pull the covers over my head, and wish away the dreaded day. 

It just doesn't work that way though, does it? 

We all have got to suck it up at times and get things done, whether we want to or not. People depend on us. We have commitments. We have obligations. 

So to all of you out there that is struggling with the thought of "adulting" today, I say, "You are not alone.

I'm right there with you friend. And if those before us made it, certainly we can." 

(Yes, this is all just me giving myself one big pep talk, but humor me here.)

So ladies and gentlemen, wave that flag of surrender for just a moment. Take a deep breath with me. And then let's hike up our pants and get this day done! If anything, we can say we tried!

Worship in the why

Let's just get real for a moment. 
Life is hard. I mean really hard. 

Staying up with a sick baby all night, hard. 

Having the flu and still having to pack lunches, carpool, punch in your eight hours, make dinner, and give baths, all while feeling like you were hit by a truck, hard. 

Getting the news that your company is downsizing and you will no longer have a job, hard. 

Being called into the doctors to hear your lab results were not good, hard. 

Hard. 

So when the topic of worship comes up during these hard times, it seems like a backwards idea. 

Be thankful? How? 

Give praise? Why?

Look up? Not even possible because, let's face it, I am sinking here. 

For some reason though, Noah got it right.

"And Noah builded an altar unto the Lord... And the Lord smelled a sweet savour." Genesis 8:20,21

The flood was of colossal, destructive proportions. We are talking about an event that literally reshaped the geographic map of the earth. Volcanoes, earthquakes, and floods were only the start. The entire earth's population  was wiped out by one fell swoop of God's righteous hand. Whether Noah had friends on earth or not, I do not know. But I do know that he was human. And being human means that the loss of life and creation would tear almosst any heart up.
 Did Noah feel devastated and alone? Did he ever question if God's punishment was too harsh? Was he exhausted thinking of all that was ahead? He had to repopulate, reestablish, and rebuild all the world. (I get tired when I think of all the laundry I have for the day!)

So it's mind boggling to me that the first thing that crossed Noah's mind was to worship God. Why? Why don't our minds go to this place? 
I can't be the only one to get frustrated when I have to drop $700 on the van a week after we buy a new house.
 Please tell me I am not alone in feeling devastated when my plans don't go as I had hoped. Even if those plans are simply having to grocery shop on a Monday instead of my normal Tuesday. 
We moan, cry, shake a fist, and even run when trouble comes, but worship? 
How often does that cross our mind? 

How is Noah so different from me?
Answer: He road the boat.

He was shaking in that ark.Constantly being tossed about as the winds raged and the waves roared. He felt the rumble of the quakes and felt the heat of the explosions. Instead of seeing all the death and destruction around him, however, he saw the saving grace that kept him afloat. He was focused on the fact that he was in that ark, dry, fed, and alive, rather than outside of it... dead. 
This was common practice of the great men (and women) of God.

David himself  penned the words,  "...that the bones which thou has broken may rejoice." (Ps.51)
Job wrote the infamous words, "Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither;the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." (Job 1:21)

We all have a choice in this life. We can see the volcano for what it is: destructive, horrific, and scary. (I don't ever mean to diminish the size of one's trials.) But we can be free of fear and worry if we will only look around us and worship God for what He is doing and what He has done. 

Thank you God, for supplying a van for our family when we don't deserve it. 
Lord, you are so good for keeping me from that situation, even though I wanted it so badly. I believe that you always know what is best. 
Jesus, thank you for loving me through this hard time and not leaving me alone. 

In those times when we  really can't find any good, any strength to worship, or any reason to say 'I love you, Lord', may we take a deep breath. May we ask God to help us worship. He never disappoints.